ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
