Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
