I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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