So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
