I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
