I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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