now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
