thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
