Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
