I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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