I'm jealous of your bromance
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
