I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
