we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize