to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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