why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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