eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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