You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
