We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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