He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
