Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
