does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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