All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
