god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
