my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
