I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
