SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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