Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
