so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
