my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize