he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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