oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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