she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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