Umm I'm too high to move.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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