Someone shit on the floor
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
