Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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