My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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