Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
