also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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