I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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