Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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