Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
