He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Welp...herpes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
