Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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