i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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