No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
