so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
