Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
