Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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