??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
