he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
