There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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