I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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