Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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