I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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