were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't put those talents on a resume
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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