Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
