You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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