Quick, to the slutcave!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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