I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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