Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is my gift to your gina
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
