bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
