the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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