This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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