You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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