he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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