i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
