Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
