why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
