That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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