FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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