i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
