You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
