My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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