Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you had me at cake vodka
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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