why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
