Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
