Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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