is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
