Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
