Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
