I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Boobs speak an international language.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
