I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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